Thursday, October 26, 2006

I recieved some comments on my last post that were accidently deleted, I never read them so I am sorry for not replying.

Day two of my fat blog. I just got done going through my wedding photos, I wish I had lost weight before my wedding. I felt ugly the entire night and as usual, I drank my frustrations away. I must stare in the mirror two hours a day. I try to convince myself its not that bad. I dont get on the scale any more. I go from website to website and use the body mass index calculators and hope that one will tell me I am just fat not obese but they all say the same thing, I have to lose 35 lbs to just barely pass the overweight mark. I will not make any excuses for myself, I allowed this to happen, and didnt happen overnight, it took three years to gain this weight, I wont lose it over night, and I cant change myself in one day. I am going to take small steps. Today I went to the grocery store and bought 0 calorie soda, it may not sound like a lot but with my job theres always a soda in my hand, soemtimes 8-10 a day. And the only snacks I bought were apples and bananas. Three hours until bedtime, I hope I make it.

How many times can a shirt shrink?

The year I met my husband was the year. Those in my situation know exactly what I am talking about. The year all my size 5 jeans all started to shrink at once. I still cant figure out what happened, I had never had a weight problem, never gained a large amount of weight in such a short period of time. What happened, I was only 19. I cant tell you how many times I have attempted to pinpoint the cause of my weight gain. I now realize if I had instead used the time I spent sitting and wondering how I got fat taking walks I wouldnt be writing this right now. I am at a cross road, I hate my body, it turns into self hatred. I spend hours trying to cover my fat, picking at new stretch marks. Right now I dont have a plan but I know I need one. I try diets and just end up binging before bedtime. I convince my self this is the time, but I always fail myself....